Quite often I am asked: "Where did you come from?" which then leads to: "How did you meet your husband?" When I first moved to Small Town, USA, these questions were a routine part of any trip to the hardware store, post office, or grocery store. I didn’t think much about how odd I must have seemed back then. It’s not every day that a girl from the city marries a farmer. And it’s not every day that a girl of mixed heritage moves to Small Town, USA.
My mother-in-law tells me that the postal carrier for our rural route asked her if I would "have any friends." That seemed like an odd question at the time. I had plenty of friends in Seattle. Why wouldn’t I have friends in Small Town, USA? Culture shock!!! It seems that some of Small Town, USA is not just isolated geographically. There is a monoculture of not just race but of origin/heritage. There are families in this county whose genealogy can be traced to before the turn of the century – 1900 that is. They know practically everyone in town and maybe even in the entire county. Outsiders, we who are 'transplants' stick out like sore thumbs.
How you look can be a neon sign flashing "NOT FROM HERE!" If I were blond and blue-eyed or even a redhead I might not stand out so much. I most often am asked ‘what tribe are you from?’ They are so surprised when I tell them there is no tribe. I usually get a laugh when I tell them that I am made in America with foreign and domestic parts or that I am not native but I have played one on stage.
So yes, I do stand out in a crowd in this Small Town neighborhood. Growing up in Seattle I didn’t think about my mixed heritage or racial appearance much. There is such a diverse variety of people from all over the country and all over the world. My childhood community was blessed with this diversity. I thought the rest of the country was a melting pot of races and ethnicities since that was the case in my own family. Again, total culture shock when I moved here.
How does one adjust? It has been my experience that it is human nature to want to compartmentalize all matter of details – social status, ethnicity, religious views, and so forth. And most of us want to believe that we are not racist or prejudiced. Cerebrally and consciously most try not to exhibit insensitive behavior. But we aren’t perfect and all have our areas of deep denial. Compartmentalizing details leads to stereotyping which leads to prejudice or worse! Over the years I have developed an attitude of unconditional acceptance. We are who we are. I can’t change what you look like or how you behave or where you came from. I can only change how I react to you. We all have the right to believe what we believe, whether I agree with what you believe or not. What you believe makes you who you are. I can choose to include you in my inner circle of friends or I can choose to limit that association. But I do choose to be civil and polite with everyone I meet and treat everyone with dignity and respect. And I am ever so grateful that I have found many friends in Small Town, USA that share this same attitude about diversity. They are a wonderful, colorful group of people and bring joy and brightness to this small corner of the world.
