Random ruminations or who really is the demented one?

Having had a bit of time to reflect on the weekend with the folks, I’ve concluded that I’m just going to have to embrace the idea that they will continue in their high functioning dysfunction until some disaster strikes. It is quite a helpless feeling knowing that I am 300 miles away with a life that does not revolve around their every need.
What bothers me, and my sister as well, is that all of this will come crashing down when one of them has some catastrophic accident or illness. What if dad has a stroke? What if mom falls? When (not if) that happens, chaos ensues and my sister and I will have to drop everything to come pick up the pieces. It would be so much easier if the folks would put some forethought into a "plan B." Am I being selfish? Maybe. I do have a life of my own located several hundred miles away from them.
I do want my parents to have quality life in their golden years. But quality is subjective. My idea of quality is definitely different than what my parents define as quality. And that is okay. I just have to keep telling myself that this is just okay. Maybe in time I will believe it. This is really a huge challenge to my hopeless optimism.
And there is some sort of sick sense of humor when you know that whatever I discuss with my mom will be forgotten by the end of the conversation. LOL! No need to worry when you can't remember!

Dementia

So I'm not an expert on dementia. I've just worked in health care for quite a number of years and have been first hand observer of the difficulties and challenges dementia poses both to the person with dementia and the family, especially the spouse. I am now a child of a person with dementia. A weekend with my mom who has mild/moderate dementia and my dad is trying at best. I really feel for my dad who has to deal with this 24/7. He is still in a denial phase and this is evidenced by his trying to blame my mom for her forgetfulness. She doesn't forget things to annoy him on purpose. But I'm sure having to deal with repeated questioning of small things would become an irritant quickly. At least she is still pleasantly confused!

Today we managed to convince mom to do the open house tour of a retirement village. She really loves her home with its postage stamp view of the Puget Sound and Olympic Mountains. She said today that this was her dream home. So it was a huge step for her to consent to even a tour! I wish she could stay in this house until she passes but I'm afraid that the two of them just can't take care of everything that needs to be done.

While on the tour she seemed impressed. The apartments are spacious, the amenities generous. The price tag per month quite rich. But at least it is a start. My sister and I would like the parents to think about moving before something traumatic happens. I have invited them to move in with us but back to the problem with mom's postage stamp view. Dad has been more than willing to consider other options since he is beginning to feel his age, especially with regard to home up keep. They picked up an information packet and we'll see where this goes. It's going to take months to declutter their home but I am willing to help, especially if it is planned in advance.

So if any of you knows someone with dementia, be extra kind to the family and caregivers. Their emotional fuses may be quite short.

my first attempt at blogging

Finding myself killing time in Seattle at 6:30am on a Saturday inspired me to try my hand at creating a blog. I should be waking up, feeding chickens, making a big farmer's breakfast for my big farmer, doing some sun salutations, and then address the many domestic chores I've ignored. However, a trip off the farm for my less than perfectly scheduled check-ups on my aging parents has once again interupted my routine.

So, what is routine anymore? I've managed to ignore two letters of the alphabet: N O, or at least get them in the wrong order - O N. It seems I've spent the majority of my life deferring participation in the community to put the Kingdom first, not understanding that being present in the community is more of a practical exercise. You can't thump people over the head with a Bible and expect them to accept the Kingdom. Long story short, a lot of lost time, which brings me to trying to do all these wonderful things - all at once.

The 'killing time' affords me the opportunity to ruminate on what it is I really want and/or need to do to really become Zen. I am hoping this blog will give me the forum to bring me some clarity.

Namaste
The Zen Farmer's Wife, aka Leny Frog